Yesterday I finished the last pre-test before my black belt test.
Usually at this point the black belts are ready and tied to a post in our dojan. It is an extra push - motivation to make it through the last stretch of testing.
Yet, our Grandmaster is in Korea and the belts are not there. Instead, I picture it in my head. The black belt with my name embroidered on it. It helps knowing I am so close. Yet, the closer I get the more my body seems to be falling apart. At least I know this is normal. You are pushing yourself harder and past your normal limits. It is worth it, even knowing I will not be able to walk the day after the test.
The next two weeks I need to push some more. I need to practice and perfect everything I need to know so I can preform it without thought. So, when the pressure hits I will not blank out and forget everything.
We have to create a binder for our black belt test. It is a collection of our training to this point, along with an essay detailing it all. The above picture is what I put on my title page. I think it is very fitting of my journey to black belt. I may not be the best, but I have kept on my journey. I know how much more room there is to grow.
At the same time I am feeling frustrated. There has been a lot of turn over in our dojan with Master's. It has allowed me to work with some amazing people, yet now, when I need it most, we have a Master who is less helpful, less disciplined, and extremely frustrating. He has been with us for a while now, but he has always been offset by a more disciplined Master.
Not only do I have to struggle to work hard for my black belt, I have to work hard to make it through is classes. I cannot wait until our Grandmaster is back from Korea.
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